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I really haven't posted in quite some time. I guess I've been busy with life, and I haven't even had time to sit down and collect my thoughts. Don't get me wrong, I do now how to relax, but I've been stumbling along until I've recently found a new schedule.

  So I've left my wife. Thats part of the reason I've been gone such a long time. I know it goes against the teachings in the bible and my own beliefs, but this was a situation that was not fixable in any way, shape, or form. Its been months since I've left and the crazy lady still bothers me. I don't want anything to do with her anymore, especially since I have someone else in my life now, and so does she. Ugh, the past hangs on like a lonely puppy.

  I've finally decided to grow up, albeit a little. I've been telling myself to do this for awhile now. I've been making early calls to my old school, and I think I might change everything and go after a different field of study. I love History and everything to do with it, the problem is that I know that in ten years being a history teacher is nowhere as rewarding as a restaurant general manager, though it would be a lot less stressful.

Speaking of stress, as I write this the average gas price in Tampa is $3.56 a gallon. Heavy, heavy stress all over. Well, Thats it for now...

another day

God let me wake up yet another day. He keeps doing that and I keep wondering why. Most of my life I've been in church so I know what I'm suppose to do. The worst part is, I'm not doing it. Judgement Day can come at any time and what am I going to tell God? You can't lie to God, you can't make pitiful excuses to person that created you. He knows everything.

  I did take a philosophy class my freshman year that confused me though. The teacher said that if God was all the things the bible tells us he is, (omniprescent, omnipotent, all-powerful, true good, the definition of all that is not sin) then in a way he's contradicting his own self. Yet, he's the creator, so he's able to do whatever he wants...but if he won't follow his own rules...why should we? Ah, yes, eternal damnation, thats a biggie. We all have questions to ask God, lets hope he'll listen to us patiently and not turn his wrath over on us.

  Speaking of wrath, I got into a 'little' 4 person car accident yesterday...not so much my fault, but the justice system in this country (and everywhere else mind you) is so perfect that I might get a citation for it anyway. Someone's got to pay, may as well be the innocent poor people.

Thats it for now...


Everyday it seems I’ve been waking up in a haze. Why is life so much about paying bills and just doing what needs to be done for necessity? When is life going to be about relaxing and enjoying it for what it is?


  Stress is probably what the center of my life is now. I’ve been probably out of work a week and I’m dying because I need money to pay my bills = stress. I go to work and kill myself and try to do many things at once = stress. I come home and relax but I still get stress here and there from some areas.  I wish life would be less stressful, but let’s face it, no one cares.


  Today’s society will probably be remembered as the turning point in history when people no longer seemed to care about one another. We see a problem on the street and turn a blind eye towards it. We see a woman with engine trouble and keep on driving. We even face a dying bum that only needs water and we brush them away. This is the time when society needs to be the most considerate, and yet in reality it is the most selfish.


  I guess I’m the most selfish of all though. Here I complain about life’s problems and stresses while not realizing the amount of people in a much direr situation than mine. People are out there who are slowly dying from hunger and disease, and here I am overweight and whining about not being able to enjoy life. That’s why I believe we can all write and write about how to change the world, but when in reality, we first need to change ourselves.


That’s it for now.



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April 2008


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